Heartslinked

May 30, 2013

Expectant Mother

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 6:45 pm

Is it moral or ethical to get to know a mother before she gives birth?  

Is it moral or ethical to be in the hospital when a woman is giving birth and you plan on adopting the baby?

Those were my first 2 questions on my last post.  I think we all understand that the law is not always what is about ethics and morals.  Why would it be wrong to get to know an expectant mother while she is pregnant?  Why is it wrong for a mother to make an adoption plan?  

When you get to know a mother while she is still pregnant you are making her consider your feelings.  You are building up a friendship based on you parenting and raising her child.  You are putting undo pressure on her doing a very stressful time.  This might go against your feelings, your wants, but shouldn’t you as a PAP make sure that an expectant mother has the resources to raise her own child.  Shouldn’t you be making sure that you are only getting a child that NEEDS a home.  You are only getting a child that can not be raised by their family.  

I would think that this is a basic, that you would make sure that a family can stay together.  Do you really want it the back of your mind that your child’s mother was put under undo pressure to place their child.  Would you want your child’s mother to feel that you pressured her?

Ethics and moral is not just about the mother but making sure PAPs are not hurt either.  That they do not have guilt.  Do you really want a child at any cost?  Do you want to know that your child’s mother and family were not coerced, harassed, or guilt-ed into placing the baby?

I would hope that if I was adopting I would want to know that my child’s mother was not pressured by me or an agency to place.  That I would do everything in my power to keep a family together first.  That if a mother wanted to parent that I would give her the love, power, and acceptance to parent.  I would hope that I would build her up and not be part of the group that tears her down.  

 

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21 Comments »

  1. J – check your email please

    Comment by TAO — May 30, 2013 @ 7:53 pm |Reply

  2. I would say to you this:
    How is it NOT moral or ethical to get to know an expectant parent before birth if that is HER choice? When a woman makes a conscious decision to make an adoption plan HER desires, HER wants and HER needs are the ONLY thing that matters. If a woman chooses to place her child then she and her feelings are the only things that should EVER be considered.
    You make the assumption that every woman WANTS to parent. That every woman’s family should want to parent every child brought into it. This is not always the case. Due to financial, family issues, age of the EP’s, health or whatever every EP has to make that decision for themselves. Make no mistake: Our child NEEDED a home….and his natural mother CHOSE one for him…and it wasn’t with HER.
    While I understand your thought process it makes absolutely no sense to reject a mother’s wishes to get to know you while she is deciding the eventual fate of her unborn. If she has sought you out, chosen you as the PAP of her child, who are YOU to reject her wishes? If she knows you and cares for you and YOU as a PAP care for her then it would stand to reason that it would make her decision easier…not harder. Ultimately, at the time of placement, regardless of anyone else’s feelings, she can choose whether or not to sign those papers.
    I have personally been on the receiving end of a completed and a failed placement and it is hard to be in BOTH places. Look at it from my perspective: Here is a woman you likely would never have met, that you have learned to love over weeks, perhaps months. You been involved in her life, hung out with her. You love her like a sister…and you see her in the most intense physical (I was in the delivery room for both births) and emotional pain in her life. She is going to entrust you with the most precious thing you could ever imagine and her heart is breaking…so is the PAP’s. You may not believe it but we PAP’s are not all heartless humans with nothing more than babylust on our minds.
    When we experienced our failed placement our EP called to let us know she had changed her mind. We told her we understood…we were all sad, but we understood. That woman is still my friend today. That little girl is still part of our life. We are not her parents but we are her friends and we would do anything for her and her mother.
    Our completed placement was amazing…not just for us but for our son’s natural parents. Because they had gotten to know us, learned to love us and they knew that they had made the right decision for their child it made it easier for them to let go. Because they had chosen to KNOW us they knew we would give our son the life they wanted for him. It was sad…they were hurting and we were hurting for them, but there was such a sense of rightness that none of us could deny. We see them often. Our son sees his biological grandparents regularly. He KNOWS where he comes from. He understands (as much as a five year old can) how much he was wanted by all parties involved.
    As an adult adoptee post reunion (I say post because I choose to no longer have a relationship with my birthmother for many reasons) I wish that my birthmom would have had the chance to get to know my parents before she placed, that she could have had a relationship with them. Perhaps, she would not have spent the next decades becoming bitter and angry and so full of hate that she spreads doom and gloom everywhere she goes. Perhaps if she could have had the chance to get to know them she could have felt some peace with her choice…but all those years ago that was not an option. Now, when she so desperately wants a relationship with me and my family I can’t stand to be around her. She is just too negative about adoption for me to handle. MY FAMILY was created through adoption and I think is wonderful.
    Ethically, EP’s have the right to choose an adoption plan, an agency and the PAP’s of their unborn, whether we like it or not. Morally, we have an obligation to support their decision. Ultimately, that is all that matters.

    Comment by molly — May 31, 2013 @ 3:20 pm |Reply

  3. Molly, AMEN! You have put into words every single thing I have been feeling about this blog. I think that this negativity is just WAY too unhealthy! Adoption is BEAUTIFUL!

    Comment by jenna — May 31, 2013 @ 6:51 pm |Reply

    • Thanks Jenna!! I appreciate the vote of support! I fear that it will be the only one on this blogsite though!

      Comment by molly — May 31, 2013 @ 7:59 pm |Reply

    • Jenna, what is beautiful about falsified birth records, legalized lies, slandering foster parents, abductions, forced conversions, stealing children from loving fathers? That is just as much part of adoption as whatever there is about adoption you consider beautiful.

      Comment by teddy1975 — June 1, 2013 @ 4:27 am |Reply

  4. Molly, I have a funny feeling that writer deletes comments. There is just NO WAY possible that we are the only two to ever feel this way about her blog.

    Comment by jenna — May 31, 2013 @ 8:09 pm |Reply

  5. “How is it NOT moral or ethical to get to know an expectant parent before birth if that is HER choice?”

    Because this increases the chances she will abandon her child, the adopters will lie to her, and the addition of unhealthy pressure on her. Furthermore to spare the feelings of the adopters, they should only be contacted when an adoptable baby can come to them, not before. It is unfair to make the decision harder and to get false hopes up.

    “When a woman makes a conscious decision to make an adoption plan HER desires, HER wants and HER needs are the ONLY thing that matters.”

    Really? How about getting a “in case the couple death or divorce breaks the adopting couple up, the child is returned to the mother.”-clause, if she wants that in? Adoption does not allow the mother to dictate the conditions.

    “If a woman chooses to place her child then she and her feelings are the only things that should EVER be considered.”

    Howcome? I thought that adoption should be in the best interest of the child, only the interests of the child, not the mother, are to be considered.

    “You make the assumption that every woman WANTS to parent. That every woman’s family should want to parent every child brought into it. This is not always the case. Due to financial, family issues, age of the EP’s, health or whatever every EP has to make that decision for themselves.” Make no mistake: Our child NEEDED a home….and his natural mother CHOSE one for him…and it wasn’t with HER.”

    Sounds to me like a good case for foster care.

    “While I understand your thought process it makes absolutely no sense to reject a mother’s wishes to get to know you while she is deciding the eventual fate of her unborn. If she has sought you out, chosen you as the PAP of her child, who are YOU to reject her wishes?”

    Sought you out? How exactly? From the books of some adoption agency?

    ” If she knows you and cares for you and YOU as a PAP care for her then it would stand to reason that it would make her decision easier…not harder.”

    This does not stand to reason. She has to decide whether she wants to continue life as a child abandoner, legally unable to do anything to improve the situation of her own child, and whether she wants to force the problems coming with adoption on her baby. Having to take the interests of some possible con artists into consideration, makes it harder to do what is best for her baby, and in the second place for her.

    ” Ultimately, at the time of placement, regardless of anyone else’s feelings, she can choose whether or not to sign those papers.”

    So why would you force feelings for adoptoraptors on her, before she even can give her baby up?

    “I have personally been on the receiving end of a completed and a failed placement and it is hard to be in BOTH places. Look at it from my perspective: Here is a woman you likely would never have met, that you have learned to love over weeks, perhaps months. You been involved in her life, hung out with her. You love her like a sister…and you see her in the most intense physical (I was in the delivery room for both births) and emotional pain in her life. She is going to entrust you with the most precious thing you could ever imagine and her heart is breaking…so is the PAP’s. You may not believe it but we PAP’s are not all heartless humans with nothing more than babylust on our minds.”

    My goodness, you could not even stay out of the delivery room? You could not even grant her that moment of privacy? And your heart is breaking? Just wait with that learning to love and hanging out until after the child is born, and your heart is much less likely to be broken.

    “When we experienced our failed placement our EP called to let us know she had changed her mind. We told her we understood…we were all sad, but we understood.”

    If you had really loved her, if altruism, or a christian morality had made you into PAPs, you would have been glad, not sad.

    ” That woman is still my friend today. That little girl is still part of our life. We are not her parents but we are her friends and we would do anything for her and her mother.
    Our completed placement was amazing…not just for us but for our son’s natural parents. Because they had gotten to know us, learned to love us and they knew that they had made the right decision for their child it made it easier for them to let go. Because they had chosen to KNOW us they knew we would give our son the life they wanted for him. It was sad…they were hurting and we were hurting for them, but there was such a sense of rightness that none of us could deny.”

    Falsifying one’s birth certificate comes with a sense of “rightness”?

    “We see them often. Our son sees his biological grandparents regularly. He KNOWS where he comes from. He understands (as much as a five year old can) how much he was wanted by all parties involved.
    As an adult adoptee post reunion (I say post because I choose to no longer have a relationship with my birthmother for many reasons) I wish that my birthmom would have had the chance to get to know my parents before she placed, that she could have had a relationship with them.
    Perhaps, she would not have spent the next decades becoming bitter and angry and so full of hate that she spreads doom and gloom everywhere she goes. Perhaps if she could have had the chance to get to know them she could have felt some peace with her choice…but all those years ago that was not an option. Now, when she so desperately wants a relationship with me and my family I can’t stand to be around her. She is just too negative about adoption for me to handle. MY FAMILY was created through adoption and I think is wonderful.”

    Your family has been DESTROYED by adoption before that, though, and I think that is awful, for a child to be so hateful to a mother. You have clearly demonstrated that adoption comes with the risk of raising a child mistaking the interests of the adoption industry for morality.

    “Ethically, EP’s have the right to choose an adoption plan, an agency and the PAP’s of their unborn, whether we like it or not.”

    You fail to make a case that that practice, which may be legal where you live, but is most certainly fully prohibited where I live, would be ethical. Ethics in cases like this are to be discussed, not to be proclaimed.

    “Morally, we have an obligation to support their decision.”

    Why? If she decides to break the neck of her child we do not have a moral obligation to support her decision, either.

    Ultimately, WE should make sure that SHE makes HER OWN decision, a decision in the best interests of 1) her child, 2) Herself and 3) her family. Allowing would-be adopters to present themselves to her before the child has been born, is adding a confusing factor and can, if pregnancy hormones and all are considered, be seen as highly unethical. Nobody should be hurt by the decision of a well-provided-for mother to keep her baby, so to decrease their suffering, PAPs should stay fully uninformed until the decision to place the child with them has been signed.

    Comment by teddy1975 — June 1, 2013 @ 3:43 am |Reply

  6. I would be interested to know what background Teddy is coming from to have such strong negative feelings regarding adoption. Are you an adult adoptee or a biological mother of a placed child?

    How is a birthmother’s decision to place her child “abandonment”? Would it not make more sense to place a child in a stable home if the mother doesn’t believe she can provide it herself?

    To clear the record on several items you addressed:
    1) we were ASKED by the birthmothers to be in the delivery room as neither of them wanted their own family members with them at that time. We did NOT in any way coerce or force ourselves in. After the birth of both babies we left the hospital to give them time to be with the babies on their own. We did not go back to the hospital until after the papers were signed.

    2)We were happy over our failed placement. Happy because our friend had decided to get back together with her daughter’s birthfather and sad that she had determined to drop out of college to go back to work to support her daughter.

    3)the whole arguement that children are being denied their original OBC’s is stupid. Seriously, if the birthmother chooses PAP and has a relationship with them, why is a piece of paper such a darn big deal? I am an adoptee and my name is Molly. It doesn’t matter to me in the least that my birthmother named me Amy…I don’t care. Most normal, well-adjusted adults don’t care what they were originally called. When my birthmother CHOSE to place me with my parents she gave up the privilege of calling me anything. If that sounds harsh, so be it. But an adult of consenting age making an adoption plan and then following through with that plan doesn’t have any right to whine over it when it hurts more than she had anticipated.

    4)my family was not DESTOYED by adoption before that. Had my birthmother chosen not to place me for adoption I would have grown up in a dysfunctional environment where my grandfather routinely drank and beat my grandmother and my birthmother and her siblings. I would have grown up thinking that submission to men is totally appropriate. I would NOT have been taught that education is important and I would have had zero work ethic. Likely I would have ended up in the foster care program at some point and would have likely ended up a pregnant teenager…what a great family you would purport I grow up in….all in the name of family raising me.

    Your views are YOUR views and that is fine, but in the real world adoption is a very good option for many people. While I agree that the needs of the child should be paramount, the needs of the mother are equally as important. Nobody but that mother knows her life circumstance and for you to call anyone who follows through with an adoption plan and places a child an “abandoner” is pathetic and hateful.

    Whatever your experience has been with adoption I pity you…you have obviously been hurt and have chosen, rather than embrace the reality of it, to become an advocate of hate. I hope that someday you will find peace in your life…i doubt that you will find it on this blog as the author seemingly is a twin to your thought process.

    Comment by molly — June 3, 2013 @ 4:30 pm |Reply

    • ” Iwould be interested to know what background Teddy is coming from to have such strong negative feelings regarding adoption. Are you an adult adoptee or a biological mother of a placed child?”

      Protection of the privacy ofminors prevents the revealing why exactly I was spared the construction of a very problematic family tree in elementary school. You are not answering my questions either”, by the way.
      1) “How about getting a “in case the couple’s death or divorce breaks the adopting couple up, the child is returned to the mother.”-clause, if she wants that in?”
      2) “Sought you out? How exactly? From the books of some adoption agency?”

      To respond to your numberss:
      1.Even if they did ask, you should not have been in the delivery room, that only decreased the chances they would do the honorable, natural thing.
      2.If you were happy with the mother preserving her dignity, why did you write:”we were all sad”?
      3. http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/images/OBC%20Handout.pdf
      Learning the ID of your real blood-kin, is really not the only use.
      4. Glad to see you are taking after your blood-kin in style, that’s so cute 🙂 OK, your family may not have been much, but your legally recognized ties to them, your recognition of belonging to their family, and thus your family as it was, was destroyed by the adoption process. In a legal sense, that is.
      I am not opposed to you growing up with your adopters, I am opposed to them being adopters. You know hate the injustice, the sin, not the sinners.

      “Your views are YOUR views and that is fine, but in the real world adoption is a very good option for many people.”

      Adoption agency workers, shrinks, lawyers, search agents…

      ” While I agree that the needs of the child should be paramount, the needs of the mother are equally as important.”

      This does not compute. If the child’s interests are most important, the mother’s interest cannot be equally important.

      “Nobody but that mother knows her life circumstance and for you to call anyone who follows through with an adoption plan and places a child an “abandoner” is pathetic and hateful.”

      How is giving up all legally enforcible possibilities to protect your child, not abandoning it? “following through with an adoption plan”, is a letter soup, an euphemism, obscuring that what is terrible with it, it is adapto-speak rather than plain English. “Abandonment” is clear and indicates the awfulness, the terror to be avoided, though sometimes, in rare cases, the least wrong.

      “Whatever your experience has been with adoption I pity you…you have obviously been hurt”

      Nope.

      “and have chosen”

      Nope.

      “rather than embrace the reality of it, to become an advocate of hate.”

      Nope, and no interest in your concept of peace either.

      Comment by teddy1975 — June 3, 2013 @ 8:30 pm |Reply

    • Molly – you said, “why is a piece of paper such a darn big deal?”

      The “piece” of paper means a heck of a lot in this post-9/11 world and I am startled to hear such an educated sentiment from an adoptive parent. The piece of paper means so much more than just if you were named “Amy” or whatever it is you were named. If you don’t understand why it is so much more than a piece of paper, I invite you – no, URGE you to educate yourself on the issue before you make such an unfounded comment. It does not serve you well to appear to be so completely lacking in understanding of current issues surrounding adoptees, particularly since you are not only yourself, but you are an adoptive mother. *Especially* since you are an adoptive mother. If you love that child as much as you say you do, you would be doing everything in your power to ensure he has access to that documentation, even if you don’t give a flying fig that you have access to yours.

      The best place I know to begin the Education of Molly is at Adoptee Rights Coalition (http://www.adopteerightscoalition.com/p/about.html). Also, you may want to look into the excellent organization American Adoption Congress (http://www.americanadoptioncongress.org/). If you are as good of a adoptive parent as you claim to be, you will do so post haste.

      Sincerely, M.

      P.S. If you and Jenna are so happy about adoption and think it rocks, then you have ABSOLUTELY nothing to worry about with Jeannette blogging about her take on it. However, by choosing to post the negative, unkind comments you have on this blog instead of going along your merry adoption-way, you show your hand. Your behaviors reveal you are mostly likely concerned the truth will get out that adoption ISN’T all that you claim it to be. Therefore, you vigorously seek to silence and marginalize those who are speaking out against the injustices infertile women are willing to heap upon vulnerable expectant mothers simply to get a baby in their arms. (And let me be very clear: EVERY expectant mother is vulnerable to exploitation or coercion by the very fact she is expecting. It’s not my opinion, but that of Institution Review Boards across the nation and is common knowledge among researchers. Expectant mothers, children, and the incarcerated are all classes in need of special protections to ensure they are not coerced in any way). The very fact you even respond to Jeannette is proof you find her words worrisome to your adoption-centric world view. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have spent the time or effort to come back to her space. REPEATEDLY.

      Comment by Melynda — June 9, 2013 @ 4:03 am |Reply

  7. Three things…then I am letting this post drop and will wait with baited breath for the next posting of this diatribe:

    1) Yes, she sought us out through an agencies books/website or whatever. I don’t what led her to the specific agency as that is not something she ever discussed with me.

    2)A clause about returning the child to the birthmother in the case of our deaths/divorce or whatever. I asked my son’s birthmother this question and she lovingly said she would decline. She is in no way interested in raising him and would prefer that a relative on our side (my sister, who is now one of her best friends) take on that responsibility.

    3)I am still waiting for the AUTHOR of this post to respond to my comment. I am guessing that she herself has nothing to say and prefers to let Teddy fight her battles for her.

    Opinions are like a$$holes…some of them are bigger and smellier than others. I will let the readers determine which is which.

    Comment by molly — June 3, 2013 @ 9:40 pm |Reply

    • Mollie,
      I’m so sorry that you had such a great loving experience that you have no empathy for any one that feels other ways. I’m sorry that in your life you feel like it is okay to bully, troll, and stalk other people. I’m sorry you cannot validate others pain. I’m sorry that you cannot see that I have lost 3 people in my life to adoption and still not acknowledge others pain.
      The reason I have not responded is because I am overwhelmed in other aspects of my life. I had one child graduate high school yesterday. I have 2 kids doing finals this week, I am planning a party for about 100 people this weekend. I work full time which includes phone calls from 6am to 9pm with customers and co-wreckers. If that wasn’t enough in the past 6 weeks we found out a very close family member has pulmonary hypertension stage 4 and I have spent my spare time researching this disease where the only “cure” is a heart and lung transplant. Currently we are getting into the best facility for this on the west coast. And there have been a few other health issues with other family members but much milder in the last few weeks. My focus is on them right now, I hope you can understand that.
      I do not and will not take time away from my family to respond to emails and replies on my blog. I only do that in the evenings after my kids are asleep, before they wake up or on breaks from work.
      I have never deleted comments on my wordpress blog. I will moderate comments but I have never deleted any as of yet. I feel as if we all have opinions from our experiences and will not allow one person including myself to have the only opinion. I just ask for love and respect on this tiny corner of the internet. This is my place to throw my feelings out, to acknowledge my pain and my loss. I do not do this in my real life I only do it on this tiny corner of the internet.I’m sorry you do not feel tat is even okay for me. This is a healthy way to put my feelings on “paper” and acknowledge my loss without it creeping into the rest of my life.

      Comment by jeannette4175 — June 5, 2013 @ 4:37 pm |Reply

      • I am sorry for my comments about you not fighting your own battles. I hope that all goes well with your family member who is ill and that you can enjoy your time with your family celebrating the graduation of your child.

        I understand that this is your place to vent your pain and frustration and I am really trying to understand your point of view. Your views are so diametrically opposed to my own that it is hard sometimes to fathom. Perhaps we can learn from each other.

        Again, I apologize for the comments about you not taking the time to respond and I do wish you the best. Perhaps when things get calmer in your life we will be able to resume our discussions. Good luck and congratulations to your graduate!

        Comment by mollyowens123 — June 5, 2013 @ 6:38 pm

  8. 1. OK, from my point of view you have been co-funding a campaign to talk her out of keeping or aborting her child. Calling falling for the pro-abandonment propaganda promoting you as replacement parent, “seeking us out” is not entirely honest, and does not suggest you promote ethical reforms of adoption.
    2. Poor boy, by the way, what do you mean with “lovingly”? This sounds very queer for such a callous rejection of her own flesh and blood.
    3. She is too involved with family affairs at the moment.

    This discussion should be about whether certain adoption practices are ethical, not about “my adoption story”. How do you think about newborn adoption ethics? From my point of view, society should enable and encourage keeping, and any loss by adoption of a parent of some value to the unconsenting child should be prevented. If we see mothers keeping and taking care of their own children as a great saving in adoption/long-term-foster parents, adoption tax breaks, demands on the judicial system, necessary psychiatric care and adoption induced suffering, we do not even have to think of adoption as intrinsically bad, to accept that the keeping of children in their our own families, if possible, is a good thing. A total prevention of pre-birth contact/information prevents the tender PAPs from being hurt, if mommy keeps, increases the chances that baby and mother can stay together or are reunited very soon and saves the expenses of selecting and matching the best PAPs, in the common cases in which women decide at birth to keep. How can a policy of keeping the child in the womb, out of sight from adopters and adoption agencies be unethical?

    Comment by teddy1975 — June 4, 2013 @ 4:46 am |Reply

  9. I do feel that it is important to express your feelings but not in the extreme ways you write about on your blog. I can appreciate that everyone has unique situations and that you have been hurt but your daughter chose to give her son for adoption- how is that a loss? Molly, this is not even worth our time. Some people are just too stubborn to see what poison they are spreading. Jeanette- I wish you better days. I hope one day you can wake up and be happy for your life and blessed for all the good that IS in your life.

    Comment by jenna2391 — June 5, 2013 @ 6:33 pm |Reply

  10. Molly and Jenna, what I do no understand about either one of your reactions is that there is no empathy from either one of you that someone else’s experience may not mirror yours. The defensiveness on both your tones is palpable. Clearly what is being said threatens you very deeply. Why don’t you ask your selves why that is rather than pointing the finger at someone who has suffered a tremendous loss who felt she was pushed and manipulated into surrender? I was. There is no doubt about it.
    Jenna if that was not your experience, good. Then that is that. Molly the odds increased that the mother would relinquish based on your presence and involment; if you see nothing wrong with that then I am not surprised because you ended up with the child in the end and that’s what mattered to you right. What do you expect to gain by being vicious and attacking someone who has been hurt? Do you not see how that is wrong?

    Comment by teradanielle — June 5, 2013 @ 8:31 pm |Reply

    • I am not threatened in any way. In fact, I have fabulous relationships with both my biological and adoptive families. If you had read my comments you would have seen that I do empathize with Jeanette. I just don’t feel it right for her to push negative views on adoptive families. Yes, it does offend me and would terribly hurt my mother who I am very protective of. I apoligize for hurting anyone’s feelings. All I was trying to say was I wish that people on your end would realize that although you may feel hurt it does not mean your biological children feel the same way. Maybe if Jeanette took a different approach with her daughter she would have a different relationship with her at this point. Her feelings may be overwhelming and damaging to their relationship. Just giving my point of view as an adoptee.

      Comment by jenna2391 — June 5, 2013 @ 10:42 pm |Reply

    • ^^^^What teradanielle said.^^^^

      Comment by Melynda — June 9, 2013 @ 5:23 pm |Reply

  11. Please give examples of where I have been “vicious and attacking someone who has been hurt”. I have done nothing more than state my opinion…just as everyone else has. With the exception of my comment about the author having nothing to say (which I apologized for and retracted once Jeanette responded and explained her current situation), I feel that I have done nothing more than promote MY view of adoption which is what Jeanette and others on this blog are doing.

    Again, this is meant to be a forum to “feel as if we all have opinions from our experiences and will not allow one person including myself to have the only opinion (See Jeanette’s comment above)”.

    If we all are allowed our opinions then we should all be able to agree to disagree without feeling as though anything that doesn’t agree with our view is a personal attack.

    Comment by mollyowens123 — June 5, 2013 @ 9:14 pm |Reply

  12. Jeanette, wow, you have had so much going on of late! I am so very sorry to hear of your sad news, that must have been awful to discover for them and the rest of the family.

    Congrats re the graduation! A huge moment for you all!

    The post is fabulous – morals and ethics are things often left behind in adoption and they need to be brought to the centre.

    Sorry you are receiving such ignorant and plainly nasty comments, some people just don’t have anything better to do with their time than to be awful human beings. Sending you much love! xxx

    Comment by myst1998 — June 7, 2013 @ 7:54 am |Reply

  13. Jenna, if you find this blog not to your liking, why stay and comment in such a nasty and vindictive manner? No one has made you read the posts here, no one has forced you to comment or even cares for your opinion. Like your friend Molly has said, opinions are like a person’s rear end (I am rephrasing her exact words) in that they are uglier and smellier than others and both of you ladies have proved this to be true with your inability to hold a decent, civilised conversation here.

    I find it laughable Jenna that you think it is your right to tell the author of this blog what she can or cannot say on HER blog. It is HER blog which means she can say whatever and however she pleases. You don’t have to like it as I previously pointed out but you also do not get to tell her what to do. The comments you have left show you are offended by this topic which shows you to not uphold the values of morality and good ethics in adoption which means you prefer to engage in the atrocities of the adoption world as it stands today. Your attitude to this post and the attacks you have launched into on the author show the sort of person you really are and that is a nasty bully who feels she can say and do what she likes but does not like consequences or anyone else to have an opinion that is not the same as yours. Get over yourself honey, you and your poison are not wanted here. Take your own advice and enjoy your own blessings and life and leave others alone.

    Comment by myst1998 — June 7, 2013 @ 8:03 am |Reply


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