May 22, 2013

Ethics, Morals, and Elitism

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 5:43 pm

I have been thinking a lot and trying to put in words my feelings.  What would a moral and ethical adoption look like?  Now legal and ethical are very different coins.  You can do everything legally but it would also be unethical and immoral.  I see this all the time in adoption.  Now before anyone gets their panties in a bunch please read with an open mind and without your personal wants and needs but with a child central view. Adoption should only happen when there is no want or desire to parent a child. And only when know one in the family can take care of the child.

Is it moral or ethical to get to know a mother before she gives birth?  

Is it moral or ethical to be in the hospital when a woman is giving birth and you plan on adopting the baby?

Is it moral or ethical to NOT have the father sign away his rights?

Is it moral or ethical to  adopt a child that is American Indian descent but you do not go through the appropriate channels?

Is it moral or ethical to adopt a child that any member of the child’s family is willing to raise and you fight in court to adopt?  

Is it your responsibility to make sure your agency or facilitator is moral and ethical?  

Is it your responsibility to make sure the child’s mother has the keys to parent?

Is it your responsibility to read about adoption by adult adoptees?

Is it your responsibility to read about adoption by mothers of loss to adoption?  

I know what I am asking is hard and it goes against your wants, your needs, your elitism.  If you are going to parent someone else’s child I would hope you would want the adoption to be as moral and ethic as possible, not just legal.   You will have to explain to your child what you know about his/her adoption and when you knew the facts.  If you fought custody against a grandparent or parent you have to explain that to your adopted child.   You will have to explain why your child was not raised within their own family.  If you close the adoption which is legal you are the one that has to explain this to the child.

I am going to go in more dept through out the next few weeks about each of these things.  Are you strong enough and have an opened mind to read this without your wants getting in the way?





  1. The title of your post is what brought me to it as I am currently working on my master’s thesis in sociology. After reading this post and perusing several of your previous posts I will be interested to see your view on the items listed. As an AP AND an adult adoptee it is likely I have a very different view. I look forward to discussing/debating your issues with you, I will pose a similar questions back at you…are YOU strong enough and open minded enough to perhaps embrace a different idealogy? Could you possibly for even one moment accept that YOUR thought process could be flawed and skewed by your own pain and that the world of adoption in 2013 is not the back alley, underhanded tragedy it was in earlier decades? I look forward to your challenge.

    Comment by molly — May 22, 2013 @ 7:50 pm |Reply

    • there’s nothing about pain here but just a clear picture of the moral questions one should ask himself before adopting
      It’s about the child in the end not about the adopted parents.
      We need parents for children and not children for parents

      Comment by Daniella D'Ambrosio — May 26, 2013 @ 12:43 pm |Reply

      • Thank you for your well worded response Daniella.

        Comment by jeannette4175 — May 30, 2013 @ 6:25 pm

    • Huh…. It was the same in 2011 when the ‘underhanded/back alley’ stuff happened to me. I can’t wait to read your ‘challenges’.

      Comment by wsbirthmom — May 26, 2013 @ 12:56 pm |Reply

  2. From the research I’ve done I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what adoptions person/couple pursues they are taking the risk that the adoption could be unethical. I believe they can do everything in their power to be ethical but there could end up being sonething out of their control that leads to an unethical adoption.

    I’m not saying there aren’t measures they can take that to prevent an unethical adoption because there are. But there will never be a 100% guaranteed way to prevent participating in a unethical adoption, IMO. Not adopting is the only way of being able to completely avoid the risk of participating in an unethical adoption.

    Comment by gsmwc02 — May 24, 2016 @ 2:51 pm |Reply

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