May 13, 2013

Mothers Day 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 4:34 pm

Before Mothers Day, I put no expectations on myself. I like to live as the moments come. I celebrated Mothers Day with my kids that love and acknowledge me as their mom.  Both my mom and mother-in-law were out of town.  I couldn’t celebrate with them.  We didn’t get together with my sisters this year either for Mother’s day.  It was very different and almost foreign.  I made it through another Mother’s day.  I do love to spend time with my kids and enjoy their company, laughter, and insight to life.  Overall it was a good day as long as I kept part of my heart closed.  I did, I am getting better at protecting myself.  I even got mother day text from my alternative universe kid (those kids that you love like your own even though you did not raise them).

Today as I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook I saw the following.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you.

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you.

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you.

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you.

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you.

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you.

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you.

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you.

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience.

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst.

To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day.

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be.

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths.

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you.

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you.

To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart.

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.” -Amy Young http://messymiddle.wordpress.com/

What about to those mothers that lost a child to adoption, it should say we mourn your loss, we mourn your child’s loss of their mother?  It is not about selfless acts of adoption.  And a failed adoption what about the mother that found that strength to raise her own child?  This poem while acknowledging the loss of adopters with infertility and failed adoptions just seems like such a slap in the face to us mothers that lost a child to adoption.  It is not a selfless act to be preyed upon by others.  It is not selfless to have our children bought and paid for, sold to the highest bidder.    



  1. I have read your posts with eagerness and hope. Thank you so much for writing. Your honesty without judgment and venom is refreshing.

    Comment by adoptionechoes — May 17, 2013 @ 2:16 am |Reply

  2. “To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you.” Did you read it? This is the last time I will comment because at this point I am just simply too angry to say anything very productive. I will leave you with this- take a step back. Did you ever feel maybe Allyssa pulled away because you are overwhelming for her? At least that’s how I would feel. You need to live your life for now and for the children that are in your care. Your daughter is safe, healthy and okay. That is all that should matter.

    Comment by jenna — May 29, 2013 @ 3:33 pm |Reply

    • I’m sorry that reading others pain and loss makes you angry. If Allysa is overwhelmed by my emotion that is okay too. We are two different individuals. She can see adoption any way she wants. In my normal life I do not bring up my pain but I have carved out a healthy place for me to write to get out my hurts, my loss. I’m sorry that is so triggering for you and causes you anger. So do you know my daughter? Is she safe, healthy, and ok?

      Comment by jeannette4175 — May 30, 2013 @ 6:03 pm |Reply

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