May 9, 2013

Graduation Time

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 1:35 am

It is my oldest son’s graduation from high school in June.  He is my second child but the first one I raised.  I went to my oldest daughters graduation in 2010, 3 years ago.  It is so different this time around.  To make decisions and be welcomed and honored as a mother of a graduate is so different this time around.

In 2010 my older sister and I flew to Utah to see my daughter graduate.  There were very strict rules.  I was allowed at the graduation but not wanted there or invited by the adoptive parents.  My daughter wanted me there.  My grandson’s PAPs were invited and included as family(my daughter was pregnant at the time).  But me, my daughter’s mother was not included.  The woman that they proclaimed to love and honor for the selfless act of placing my baby with their family.  I was excluded.  This is adoption in my life.  

I was told through my daughter that her parents would be sitting in a certain area and we were not to sit on a large section because they did not want to see me.  Her graduation from high school was held at BYU.  Me a woman that stand’s 5’4″ and weighed 120 pounds soaking wet, I was too much for them to handle.

After the graduation my daughter was to see her parents and we were warned  to stay away.  That we were not welcomed.  It was made clear that if we saw them to not acknowledge who we were.  I guess some people really can not get over their infertility.  It was as if they saw me there fairy tail would be unwound.  The reality that our daughter has a mother that is biologically related would be too much for them.  

My feelings were hurt but what was I to do.  I stuck my tail between my legs while I obeyed and honored their rules.   After all I really was no one and I should be happy that I was even allowed at the graduation.  You know because most birth mom’s don’t get anything. Be quiet, shut up, and sit in your corner please.  I got the message loud and clear.  I had no control and the one to be hurt and pulled between the “adults” would be my child, my first born.   I did as I was told.

This time though it is different,  I get to make the decisions.  All of my family is welcomed.  I get the honor of being a high school graduate’s mom.  All of my kids that want to be at the graduation  can be there.  This is so much better.



  1. You had a chance to show your daughter what hell “birthmotherhood” was, but you were too nice for that. My heart breaks for you, and I am angry with you. I just hope, that bad memories won’t spoil that day.

    Comment by Teddy1975 — May 9, 2013 @ 10:44 am |Reply

  2. Teddy said everything I was going to say! Congrats mom ~ hope your son’s graduation day is a wonderful one.

    Comment by Susie — May 9, 2013 @ 7:47 pm |Reply

  3. At the same time, her daughter’s 18 now. Old enough to think for herself, and isn’t it odd that it never occurred to her that she was in for her own awkward family situation when her own child graduates high school?

    OK, no, it’s not odd. I understand completely. At that age you’re advanced if you’re able to make those types of connections without having any prior experience yourself. And everyone around you drinking the adoption Kool-Aid doesn’t help. 😦

    You know, actually, the PAPs being there are probably a big reason you were not welcome. You would have spoiled it for them. The APs and the PAPs, they’re thick as thieves. And I was very deliberate in my choice of wording there.

    Comment by Dana — May 20, 2013 @ 1:26 pm |Reply

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