March 6, 2013

Who wants to grow up and be a birthmom?

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 7:33 pm

I have heard many times young adults/teenagers say when I grow up I want to adopt.  Have you ever heard someone say when I grow up or get older I want to place my child for adoption?  I can’t wait to become a birthmom?  Really think about this question.  Take a cup of coffee and think of this.  Mull it over in your mind.  I don’t care where you stand in adoption if you adopted, placed, if you are an adoptee, or know someone that is adopted.  Please think about this question carefully.

Let’s be honest for one minute with ourselves, our hearts, our souls.  Placing a child for adoption is a failure.  We have failed ourselves.  We have failed our child.  We have failed society.  But on a different prospective we have been failed.  Our parents, siblings, family loved ones have failed us.  Our teachers friends, and society have failed us too.  Anytime that a child has to be separated from their family their is a crack in society, in the family, in our souls.

Have you truly met anyone in real life who placed a child for adoption that had a full loving childhood?  Have you met someone who placed a child that had support of all of their loved ones?  Have you met someone who placed a child for adoption that really had support to parent.  Full support from their village?

I know I have never met a mother in my life in real life or on line that had full loving support to parent that decided to place.  When I say society I include agencies for adoption.  They are part of our society too. 

What are the obstacles to parent and what can each of us individually do to help others parent their children?  How can we keep families together?  What can we do to make this place we live better for ALL children, ALL mothers, ALL fathers?

I don’t care if we are talking about foster care, newborn adoption, international adoption somewhere along a woman’s life we have failed her if she feels like an option is adoption.  Even foster care where have we failed a mother in her life that she has to have her child taken away? 

I do not have the answers but we have to start with questions and examine ourselves.



Scabs that don’t heal

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 6:17 am

ImageI have been so sensitive this week.  I have been crying easily, this is not like me at all.  Last Wednesday it felt like a scab was pulled off too early.  You know that feeling when you have a scab you have to pick and after you start picking it, it starts to bleed.  It takes a few days to build a new scab.  In the mean time your skin is sensitive and  easily hurts with the slightest bump.  This has been how I feel lately.  I have gone back and forth from crying easily to anger.  

I am angry about a lot of things.  I’m angry about how naive I was 21 years ago.  I am angry about the way I have been treated.  I am angry at my IRL friends still see adoption as a blessing.  They see my pain and write it off as it is just me, as if other mothers do not feel this.  

The truth is if they could talk to mothers decades down the road, after reunion, they would see that a lot of us share this pain in varying degrees.  But I guess to admit this would admit that there are issues with adoption.  To admit that mothers are given life time free counseling by some agencies would admit failure in the system.  If we admitted that anyone that would need life time counseling free there must be something wrong with an institution. If I was to tell you to do a selfless loving thing you would need a lifetime of counseling, I think most people would walk away.  But something in our society sees adoption/lifetime of counseling as loving. Adoption/lifetime counseling is selfless, is brave.  Is it really?  Is giving up on yourself and seeing yourself as a vessel to get your child to their rightful parents loving, brave, selfless?  Or is it just a sign of no self esteem?

When will we ever stop with the crap of you had a bad experience?  You should have waited until you were married?  You should not have sex until you were ready to parent.  Hmm so I know married couples  that have sex weeks after having a baby.  They are not ready physically or financially to have another child. Yet we don’t condemn them because they are married.  This is where I have issues.  Lets admit as humans we enjoy sex.  That is the whole crazy truth.  We enjoy sex period.  Everytime we have sex we are not ready to bring a baby into this world. 

I want someone to look at the picture with this post and explain to me how losing 2 generations is a blessing?  This is the truth of what adoption really looks like.  This pain on my face acknowledges what no words can say.  This is what the loss of adoption looks like. Please explain to my heart that it is acceptable to think I am less than, that I deserve this loss.  Please explain to the next generations that they do not deserve their histories, their genealogy  their families, their blood, their tribe.

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