Heartslinked

December 29, 2012

Dreams and nightmares

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 1:57 am

Last night in the middle of the night I woke up silently crying.  After almost 21 years you would think the dreams would be easier.  You would hope the tears would stop.  I don’t remember the whole dream but I do remember I had just given birth at home (never would have happened in real life).  I remember my baby was very sick but I couldn’t bring her to the hospital because the doctors would take her from me.  The doctors and agency wanted my baby for adoption.  I remember the feeling in my dream knowing I wasn’t good enough to be a mother to any of my children.  I do not know why going to a hospital for my sick baby would mean adoption but for some reason in my dream the hospital equaled loss of my child.  I remember overhearing a someone in my dream saying they were going to sell my baby but they couldn’t get a lot for her because I wasn’t good.

Now being awake for 12 hours and having the day to analyze my dream I do realize it id just a dream.  It is my subconsciousness reacting to my loss.  Maybe I do relate the hospital to losing my daughter.  The hospital was where I walked away from my first born.  It is where I left empty handed.  It seems like I have a lot of emotions still to work out.

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3 Comments »

  1. I don’t know many mothers that don’t have those dreams. I have had them from forever – and they don’t get any easier.

    Comment by lktrevino — December 29, 2012 @ 6:19 am |Reply

  2. I hate those dreams. It’s been twenty-five years for me and they still come! (((Hugs))) I know how long they can linger afterwards too!

    Comment by Cassi — December 29, 2012 @ 11:32 pm |Reply

  3. i dont know the feelings of mothers as i am single but my mom is very special she did alot for me i wish i could do a bit for her

    Comment by amena — December 30, 2012 @ 4:16 pm |Reply


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