November 29, 2012

Different Paths

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 4:44 pm
Different Paths
On my last post I was writing about where I was in 1991, who my closest friend was, who I was dating.  Recently my friend K found me on Facebook.  A few weeks ago we decided to meet at Starbucks to catch up on the past 20 years.  We talked for several hours and caught up on where our lives have headed.
My friend K married the father of her son and after 3 years they divorced. Her son’s father has not really been in his life since the divorce.  My friend and her parents raised the son together.  K never remarried or had anymore children.  I honestly felt jealous.  I was jealous of my friend for me and jealous of her son that he never lost his family.  I know I should not be jealous, but those emotions went threw me as we talked.  Adoption was never put on the table foe her as an option.
We had walked completely different paths but we started on the same path.  We were the same age , we were best friends, we were dating best friends, and we got pregnant with in 2 months of each other.  I lost my first child to adoption.  My children grew up apart.  My nieces and nephews grew up without one of their cousins.  I did not know my daughter’s name, where she lived, or her adoptive parents names.  My friend got to be the mother she was meant to be.  Her son was not ripped away from his mom.  He was raised in his family, his blood, his tribe.  Of these two scenarios which one is the loving choice?  It does not feel like adoption is the loving choice.  A child staying with his mother, not being ripped from her, a mother getting the love and support she needs to raise her son.  A loving choice is supporting mothers to raise their children


  1. I don’t think it’s wrong to be jealous at all. It seems perfectly reasonable in this situation, I’d say. It’s so frustrating to know that if we would have had more support and not been pushed towards adoption that things might have turned out so very differently for us and for our children and most likely we both would have been spared a lot of anguish. Hugs to you!

    Comment by Eileen — November 30, 2012 @ 3:14 pm |Reply

  2. I had a friend in high school who went through a similar situation. She and another girl in our algebra class both went through pregnancies. The other girl had all sorts of support and got to keep and parent. My friend’s mother was mentally ill, her baby’s father was abusive and she really had no one to turn to. (I was in no shape to help either and it didn’t even occur to me.)

    Comment by Dana — January 9, 2013 @ 10:25 pm |Reply

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