June 26, 2012

Still too young

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 5:31 pm

This Saturday I had taken my youngest daughter to my very good friends house.  My youngest is 14 years old and my friends have a daughter turning 7.   My daughter was coming over to help with “make up and hair”.  The make up consisted of sparkly little kids eyeshadow, clear lip gloss, and gem stone stickers.  I decided to stay for a bit. It was my friends J&K with another couple also good friends S & C.  There was also another mom there I had never met.  My friends know parts of my story.  They know I placed Allysa and they know about Owen being placed.   I do not go out of my way to tell others about my life in adoption.  I have friends that are very loving and protective of me as I am of them.  We have a very strong friendship.

We were sitting around having pizza, relaxing, and talking.  This other woman who I just met says “OMG look at this picture on Facebook.”  It was a picture that someone put up of their daughter getting a tattoo on their arm.  The next thing I know this woman is ranting about her friend and how dare she put up a picture of her adult daughter on Facebook getting a tattoo.  I mean it is so low-class.  Then she says “this woman was a teenage mom so that explains her behavior.  She had her daughter at the age of 14 or 16.”  then she started complaining about young moms and starting talking about adoption and how hard it is for couples to adopt.  I got up at that point and made myself busy.  My friend J, looked at this woman and said, “You know Jeannette was a teenage mom and she is a great mother. ”  That at least shut this woman up for a few minutes.

I was pissed, angry, wanted to just smack this lady.  But I did nothing,  I felt that if I said anything to her at all confrontational I would play into her hand of being a low-class teenage mother.  I’m 37 years old and still at times feel like the 16-year-old girl who was so scared.  This woman made me feel less than.  I knew she would never say “well she is mexican/black/ asian that is why she is a bad mom”  but in our society it is okay to say well because a woman was younger than a certain age she will be /is a bad mom.  I feel as though this woman was one of these mean girls in high school, always putting down others to make herself feel better.  Maybe I should have been more confrontational and let her know that her words were unacceptable.  I did not feel a confrontation between adults was acceptable at a 7 year olds birthday party.

To top off the night about 9pm we were talking in a group and the same woman comments how she allows her 10-year-old daughter to have a swig of beer whenever she has a beer.  She then tries to tell me how beer is just water with a kick.  Did you read that her daughter is only TEN years old?  Yes 10 years old, and I’m sure allowing her child to start having a little bit of alcohol didn’t just happen this last week.  I wonder when she thought it was okay for her child to start trying beer?  It still rattles my brain that this woman thought putting a picture of an adult child on Facebook getting a tattoo was bad but a 10-year-old having any alcohol was normal.



  1. Ugh…Im 46 years old, and my oldest daughter is now 28. I still get “the look” from people when they do the math.

    Comment by realdaughter — June 27, 2012 @ 4:10 am |Reply

    • It feels like we have to be super parents to even be “almost” good enough in their eyes.

      Comment by jeannette4175 — June 27, 2012 @ 5:06 am |Reply

  2. Nothing like priming a kid for a life of alcohol abuse. But she’s older, so its ok to give the kid some beer, way classier than sporting a tattoo.

    Comment by maybe — June 27, 2012 @ 2:03 pm |Reply

  3. I was unmarried and in college when pregnant with my first. When people tell me I was too young, I always quote the following:
    “Adults don’t make children, children make adults.”

    Comment by Jennifer — June 30, 2012 @ 7:34 pm |Reply

  4. I don’t agree that letting a child taste an adult drink is priming them for alcohol abuse. In some countries the kids have a little wine with dinner, you know? And while my dad was an alcoholic, and did let me have sips of his beer from time to time (and I mean a lot of time passed between one sip and another, months at least), I never picked up an alcohol addiction.

    I think what was low-class in this woman’s case was announcing it to the world, especially after passing judgment on another mother. She had to know the world is different now–Americans have *always* been judgmental about alcohol use, and are even more so these days, much less when it comes to letting kids have a taste (not even a full drink, just a taste). And if she doesn’t know, she just announced to the world how clueless and uncaring she is.

    Comment by Dana — May 20, 2013 @ 2:23 pm |Reply

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