June 4, 2012

Death, Grief, Loss

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 9:01 pm
Tags: , ,

I have watched my niece over the last 7 weeks grieve for her loss.  The loss of her best friend, soul mate, the loss of her future.  My family has been pretty awesome overall helping her through this.  She has stood very strong by herself for going through this at such a young age.  I am so glad she has the support around her.  I am proud of the woman she is and she is becoming.

I have noticed that sometimes we push the ones we love to grieve the way we would grieve.  I know the best of intentions are there but we do not all grieve the same.  Some of us need our space and time to feel.  Some of us need to stay busy and work all the time.  Some of us cry a lot and others never shed a tear.  However each of us grieve we have to allow each of us to grieve.   We can not control the way we grieve, cry, and feel the loss.

The one thing I do know about grief is that if we push it down and don’t allow our selves the time each of us need the pain will come back hard at a later time.  If we work through the pain as it comes and deal with each emotion we are able to get through it eventually.  I know my niece will never forget her first love.  He will always be a part of her.   She will always care about him and think about him.

As I watch her and realize that so many people after the first weeks have left her to deal on her own and get over this “issue” I have realized why it is so hard for us that lost our child through adoption to grieve.  With my niece even though we all understand death and realize we will watch our loved ones die I see how others make her feel as if her grieving is wrong.  If there are so many members in our own society that have such a hard time with dealing with grief and death I’m sure it is impossible for the same people to understand our loss in adoption.  After all our children our still alive and we chose this path.  As for adoptees they have parents that love them and got a better life.  As we dig deeper and really understand what happened to both us and our children we are hit back by society and told to go in our corners.  If every member of society would look at all aspects of adoption and the loss that goes along with it we would be a more loving accepting people.  As long as we are told how we are to grieve our loss we can not move forward.  We do not grieve for others but for ourselves.  We have to allow ourselves our time to grieve without the pressure of others.


1 Comment »

  1. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is one of the best authors to read when you’ve gone through loss. I loved On Death & Dying and I’ve also read The Tunnel & the Light. How to Deal with Grief by Karen Colquhoun is a good read too. What I have found difficult is that people who havent gone through something big don’t understand. I have lost 2 close friends and many relatives. The one that hurt the most was losing my grandmother.

    Comment by Jacquie — June 10, 2012 @ 4:16 am |Reply

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