February 6, 2012

Adoption Advocate

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 8:52 pm

Lets be brutally honest about adoption advocates.  Who makes a good adoption advocate?  Someone who has been through the loss.  How do you convince someone who has surrendered their child to adoption to become an advocate? How do you convince someone to talk for free?  Go read this post http://mormon.org/me/87W2/.  I see behind this woman someone who will break in a few years.  What will happen when she stops drinking the kool-aid?  What will happen once her child that she surrendered starts asking her the tough questions. What will happen when her children read what she wrote on mormon.org?  How will she look at her children and explain to them her reasoning for placing her child?  How will she comfort them when they cry at night for their sibling? How will she comfort the child she lossed to adoption?

We as mothers who have surrendered realize that we have to sugar coat everything.  We have to play the game so we can have contact with our surrendered children.  We know if we advocate adoption and talk to other women that are pregnant and sit on panels we score points with our children’s parents.  We know that for the next 18 years or more that what our children our told about us depends solely on our perceived view on adoption by the adoptive parents.  We know we can not step out of line.  We are not allowed to grieve or show sadness.  Once we do our adoptions close.  Once we claim ALL of our children we are told we are nothing, nothing at all, we are only birth mothers, and we should never forget our place.  The only way to go on is to look at adoption as a miracle and blessing.   We continue to drink the kool-aid, sometimes take it in by an IV.

I can guarantee this woman later will regret what she has written, the way she was used by LDSFS, she will realize that her body is not a vessel to get an infertile couple a baby.  She will realize that she has 2 children, not just one child.  I never sat on panels to convince other women to place their children.  Instead I sat on panels for adoptive parents.  There would be 3 to 5 mothers who surrendered questioned by about 20 couples.  All of us were convinced we did the best thing for our children.  After all, our children,  as babies (under a year old) we were told how happy they were.  How are children belonged with the adoptive couple.  I was too emotionally drained to look any deeper.  I could not bear to look any farther than what I was told.

I do find it interesting that woman who have been mothers of loss for decades are not advocates for adoption.  I know we can find a few but the majority of us do not advocate adoption.  We will not sit on panels and talk to pregnant woman about the miracle and blessing of adoption.  A lot of speak out on the challenges and life long pain of adoption.  We realize the pain not only for ourselves, but the adoptees too.  We would not encourage others to go down our path of eternal loss.

Next is the children.  How do you look in your child’s eyes and willingly deny them?  How do you claim all but 1 of your children?  As I write this I sit a crossed from my oldest daughter, how can I deny her?  Why would I want to deny her existence?  She is and always will be my oldest child.  If you have to deny one of your children, your flesh and blood, then something is desperately wrong.  The question is  – Is there something wrong with the adoption or with yourself for being able to deny one of your children?



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