January 31, 2012

I posted on fac…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jeannette4175 @ 4:56 am

I posted on Facebook a link to first mother’s forum about Mitt Romney.  Of course my LDS friends would never believe a word of it.  Afterall adoption is a selfless act that helps the infertile and helps children have two loving parents.

Well I think we all know that adoptive parents abuse, adoptive parents divorce, adoptive parents make mistakes just like natural parents.  I was told that they knew adoptive parents and adoptees and they all love adoption.  Obviously these women that wrote the article did not know anything about adoption, I was told.  There are some things that the LDS faithful will choose to not believe.

They will never imagine that woman are coerced in their church to place their children because they are not married.  Obviously I had premarital sex.  Obviously that was/is a sin in many people’s eyes.  I wasn’t married and I wasn’t going to get married to Allysa’s dad.  I couldn’t provide my daughter with two loving parents.  What they didn’t realize is Allysa had 2 loving parents.  Both I and her father loved her even if I wouldn’t marry him.  I will never doubt even for a second that R loved his child.  He never met her but he did love her.  He did want her very much.

R and I broke up when I was 4 months pregnant.  After that I did not date anyone my whole pregnancy.  I did not sleep around at all.  While I was pregnant I followed my church’s rules.  I went to church, I obeyed everything.  When I was asked to no longer be involved in the youth group I went to the adults group.  I was told I could not take the sacrament until my sins were forgiven.  I obeyed and followed.  I had sinned after all.  I did wrong by having premarital sex.  I went to all sessions with my bishop and LDSFS.

Through out my whole pregnancy I was not allowed to take the sacrament.  After I placed Allysa I was allowed to take the sacrament.  I was not doing anything different the last week of my pregnancy compared to the week after I had Allysa.  Why couldn’t I take the sacrament until I placed?  I know I’m not the only one that had this happen to.  When I talk to LDS woman now they tell me something else was going on.  I must have been doing something wrong.  I have been told my salvation/forgiveness could never have depended on placing Allysa.  But I know what I experienced.  I understand it is hard to believe if it didn’t happen to you, but this happened to me.    This was my experience and I will no longer be silent about it.




  1. I can’t even imagine the coercion you experienced- and I don’t doubt it for even a second.

    The Catholic church is the same. Less than five years ago one of my best friends was verbally abused/ belittled for having sex with her long time boyfriend- her priest told her she was going to Hell for it.

    I doubt anything will change within the communities of faith unless and until more women speak up and demand to be the sole person in charge of their reproductive health. While I do not support abortion- I believe in pro-choice. To me, pro-choice involves more than just abortion, it includes the right to parent, to have access to birth control, and good medical care.

    I’ve been reading your blog, trying to catch up since you moved from the old site, and I have to say, you’re being so much braver facing up to the past than I could be.

    Please, keep on writing, and sharing your story, and don’t let anyone tell you you don’t have a right to feel any way you feel.

    Comment by Sarah — March 2, 2012 @ 6:34 am |Reply

  2. Sarah – I am only brave because I have to be. I can’t be silent and ran over any longer. That does not help me or anyone else. If I spoke out years earlier maybe I could have helped one more person parent. Maybe reading blogs like mine and other mothers of loss will encourage someone to parent.

    Comment by jeannette4175 — March 6, 2012 @ 12:48 am |Reply

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